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I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Navigating the Paradox of Toxic Relationships
The phrase "I hate you, don't leave me" encapsulates a complex and often painful dynamic found in many troubled relationships. It’s a cry for help disguised as anger, a desperate plea for connection masked by resentment. This post delves into the psychology behind this seemingly contradictory statement, exploring the underlying issues, identifying potential warning signs, and offering pathways towards healthier relationship dynamics. We'll unpack the reasons behind this confusing expression, provide practical steps for navigating this challenging situation, whether you’re the one saying it or the one hearing it, and finally, highlight the importance of seeking professional help when needed.
Understanding the "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" Paradox
This phrase is a classic example of a relationship caught in a cycle of push and pull. It represents a deep internal conflict: the simultaneous desire for connection and the overwhelming feeling of being hurt and betrayed. The "I hate you" part stems from accumulated resentment, unmet needs, and possibly past trauma. The "don't leave me" part reveals a profound fear of abandonment, often rooted in insecurity and a deep-seated need for validation.
#### The Role of Attachment Styles
Understanding attachment styles can shed light on this dynamic. Individuals with anxious attachment styles, for example, often crave closeness and reassurance but fear abandonment. This fear can manifest as anger and pushing loved ones away, even while simultaneously pleading for them to stay. Conversely, those with avoidant attachment styles might struggle with intimacy, leading to conflict and the expression of anger as a defense mechanism.
#### Underlying Issues Contributing to the Paradox
Several underlying issues can fuel this turbulent emotional cocktail:
Trauma: Past experiences of abuse, neglect, or abandonment can significantly impact attachment patterns and relationship dynamics.
Communication Breakdown: Inability to effectively communicate needs and frustrations leads to escalating conflict and resentment.
Unresolved Conflicts: Lingering disagreements and unresolved issues create a toxic environment where anger and dependence intertwine.
Control Issues: One or both partners might attempt to control the other through manipulation, leading to a power struggle within the relationship.
Mental Health Conditions: Underlying mental health conditions such as borderline personality disorder, depression, or anxiety can exacerbate these relationship patterns.
Recognizing the Warning Signs
Recognizing the signs of this toxic dynamic is crucial for both individuals involved. These warning signs can include:
Constant arguments and intense emotional outbursts.
A cyclical pattern of fighting, making up, and then fighting again.
One partner feeling emotionally trapped and manipulated.
A pervasive feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction within the relationship.
Attempts to control the other person's behavior or social interactions.
Threats of self-harm or suicide if the other person leaves.
Breaking Free from the Cycle: Steps Towards Healing
Breaking free from the "I hate you, don't leave me" cycle requires both courage and commitment. Here are some critical steps:
Seek professional help: Therapy, both individual and couples counseling, can provide invaluable support and guidance in navigating these complex emotions.
Improve communication skills: Learning healthy communication techniques is essential for resolving conflict constructively.
Address underlying issues: Identify and address any underlying trauma, mental health concerns, or unresolved conflicts.
Set healthy boundaries: Establishing clear and consistent boundaries is vital for protecting your emotional well-being.
Build self-esteem: Working on self-esteem and self-worth is crucial for breaking free from codependent patterns.
Learn to identify manipulation: Recognizing manipulative tactics can empower you to respond more effectively.
Seeking Professional Guidance
It’s crucial to understand that navigating this complex emotional landscape alone can be extremely challenging. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment to unpack the underlying issues, develop coping mechanisms, and work towards healthier relationship patterns. They can also help individuals develop healthy attachment styles and learn effective communication skills. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you are struggling.
Conclusion:
The phrase "I hate you, don't leave me" is a stark indicator of a deeply troubled relationship. Understanding the underlying dynamics, recognizing the warning signs, and actively seeking help are crucial steps towards healing and building healthier relationships. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship that is supportive, respectful, and emotionally fulfilling. Don’t be afraid to reach out for the help you need.
FAQs:
1. Is it possible to repair a relationship characterized by "I hate you, don't leave me"? While repair is possible, it requires significant effort from both partners, a willingness to confront underlying issues, and professional guidance. Success is not guaranteed.
2. What if I'm the one saying "I hate you, don't leave me"? This is a cry for help. Seek individual therapy to understand your feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
3. What if my partner is constantly saying "I hate you, don't leave me"? Establish firm boundaries, prioritize your own well-being, and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Consider ending the relationship if the abuse continues.
4. Can couples therapy help in this situation? Yes, couples therapy can be beneficial, but only if both partners are committed to the process and willing to address the underlying issues.
5. Are there specific resources available for individuals experiencing this type of relationship dynamic? Yes, many resources are available online and in your community. Search for therapists specializing in relationship issues, trauma, or attachment disorders. You can also contact domestic violence hotlines or mental health organizations for support.
| i hate you dont leave me: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Third Edition Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus, 2021-09-07 The revised and expanded third edition of the bestselling guide to understanding borderline personality disorder—with advice for communicating with and helping the borderline individuals in your life. After more than three decades as the essential guide to borderline personality disorder (BPD), the third edition of I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me now reflects the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder, as well as connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress syndrome, ADHD, and eating disorders. Both pharmacological and psychotherapeutic advancements point to real hope for success in the treatment and understanding of BPD. This expanded and revised edition is an invaluable resource for those diagnosed with BPD and their family, friends, and colleagues, as well as professionals and students in the field, and the practical tools and advice are easy to understand and use in your day-to-day interactions with the borderline individuals in your life. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Sometimes I Act Crazy Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., Hal Straus, 2006-04-14 A source of hope, expert advice, and guidance for people with borderline personality disorder and those who love them Do you experience frightening, often violent mood swings that make you fear for your sanity? Are you often depressed? Do you engage in self-destructive behaviors such as drug or alcohol abuse, anorexia, compulsive eating, self-cutting, and hair pulling? Do you feel empty inside, or as if you don't know who you are? Do you dread being alone and fear abandonment? Do you have trouble finishing projects, keeping a job, or forming lasting relationships? If you or someone you love answered yes to the majority of these questions, there's a good chance that you or that person suffers from borderline personality disorder, a commonly misunderstood and misdiagnosed psychological problem afflicting tens of millions of people. Princess Diana was one of the most well-known BPD sufferers. As a source of hope and practical advice for BPD sufferers and those who love them, this new book by Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus, bestselling authors of I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, offers proven techniques that help you: * Manage mood swings * Develop lasting relationships * Improve your self-esteem * Keep negative thoughts at bay * Control destructive impulses * Understand your treatment options * Find professional help |
| i hate you dont leave me: Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder Shari Y. Manning, 2011-08-18 People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny—but their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotions—and how to change the way you can respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Get Me Out of Here Rachel Reiland, 2009-07-30 With astonishing honesty, this memoir reveals what mental illness looks and feels like from the inside, and how healing from borderline personality disorder is possible through intensive therapy and the support of loved ones. With astonishing honesty, this memoir, Get Me Out of Here, reveals what mental illness looks and feels like from the inside, and how healing from borderline personality disorder is possible through intensive therapy and the support of loved ones. A mother, wife, and working professional, Reiland was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the age of 29--a diagnosis that finally explained her explosive anger, manipulative behaviors, and self-destructive episodes including bouts of anorexia, substance abuse, and promiscuity. A truly riveting read with a hopeful message. Excerpt: My hidden secrets were not well-concealed. The psychological profile had been right as had the books on BPD. I was manipulative, desperately clinging and prone to tantrums, explosiveness, and frantic acts of desperation when I did not feel the intimacy connection was strong enough. The tough chick loner act of self-reliance was a complete facade. |
| i hate you dont leave me: I Love You, But I Hate You, But I Need You Austen Lennon, Austen Lennon M D, 2018-03-15 Borderline personality disorder is an extremely serious mental disorder of impulsive actions and usually has a chain of unstable relationships. You can see the disorder with marks of ongoing mood instabilities and other instabilities such as behavior, self-image, and function. The person with BPD has very high anger, depression, and anxiety episodes that can last from a few hours to a few days. You can have BPD in correlation to having mood disorders, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicide. In This Book You Will Learn: - What Borderline Personality Disorder Is - What To Do When Someone You Care About Has BPD - How People Actually Get BPD - How To Feel Empowered and Boost Your Confidence While Having BDP - How To Cope With NDP with 5 Steps To Balanced Respones - How To Accept Yourself and Add on Positive Effects - Awareness of Crisis Situations - Cutting Edge Treatments and Cures - Building Relationships - Stories about People with BDP that Overcome It All |
| i hate you dont leave me: The Borderline Personality Disorder Alex Chapman and Kim Gratz, 2010-06 The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide is organized as a series of answers to questions common to BPD sufferers: What is BPD? How long does it last? What other problems co-occur with BPD? Overviews what we currently know about BPD make up the first section of the book. Later chapters cover several common treatment approaches to BPD: dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), mentalization-based therapy (MBT), and medical treatment using psychoactive drugs. In the last sections of the book, readers learn a range of day-to-day coping skills that can help moderate the symptoms of BPD. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Stop Walking on Eggshells Paul T. T. Mason, Randi Kreger, 2020-12-01 Isn’t it time you stopped walking on eggshells? Learn how with this fully revised and updated third edition of a self-help classic—now with more than one million copies sold! Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are ‘walking on eggshells’ to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is ‘yes,’ someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD)—a mood disorder that causes negative self-image, emotional instability, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships. Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped more than a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this difficult disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised third edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research on comorbidity, extensive new information about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the effectiveness of schema therapy, and coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD or NPD sufferer in your life. This compassionate guide will enable you to: Make sense out of the chaos Stand up for yourself and assert your needs Defuse arguments and conflicts Protect yourself and others from violent behavior If you’re ready to bring peace and stability back into your life, this time-tested guide will show you how, one confident step at a time. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder Valerie Porr, M.A., 2010-07-30 Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by unstable moods, negative self-image, dangerous impulsivity, and tumultuous relationships. Many people with BPD excel in academics and careers while revealing erratic, self-destructive, and sometimes violent behavior only to those with whom they are intimate. Others have trouble simply holding down a job or staying in school. Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder is a compassionate and informative guide to understanding this profoundly unsettling--and widely misunderstood--mental illness, believed to affect approximately 6% of the general population. Rather than viewing people with BPD as manipulative opponents in a bitter struggle, or pitying them as emotional invalids, Valerie Porr cites cutting-edge science to show that BPD is a true neurobiological disorder and not, as many come to believe, a character flaw or the result of bad parenting. Porr then clearly and accessibly explains what BPD is, which therapies have proven effective, and how to rise above the weighty stigma associated with the disorder. Offering families and loved ones supportive guidance that both acknowledges the difficulties they face and shows how they can be overcome, Porr teaches empirically-supported and effective coping behaviors and interpersonal skills, such as new ways of talking about emotions, how to be aware of nonverbal communication, and validating difficult experiences. These skills are derived from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Mentalization-based Therapy, two evidence-based treatments that have proven highly successful in reducing family conflict while increasing trust. Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder is an empowering and hopeful resource for those who wish to gain better understanding of the BPD experience--and to make use of these insights in day-to-day family interactions. Winner of the ABCT Self Help Book Seal of Merit Award 2011 |
| i hate you dont leave me: Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist Margalis Fjelstad, 2013 People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders are master manipulators; Caretakers fall for them every time. This book helps Caretakers break the cycle and puts them on a new path of personal freedom, discovery, and self-awareness, through the use of real stories and practical suggestions from a seasoned therapist. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder Blaise Aguirre, Gillian Galen, 2013-05-01 If you are like many others living with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you know what it’s like to be overwhelmed by intense and fluctuating emotions; to have difficulty with relationships; and to constantly struggle with troubling thoughts and behaviors. BPD can be especially difficult to treat, though there are ways to gain control over your symptoms and live a happier, healthier life. Expanding on the core skill of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder will help you target and successfully manage many of the familiar symptoms of BPD. Inside, you will learn the basics of mindfulness through specific exercises, and will gain powerful insight through real-life stories from people who have BPD. If you are ready to take that first step on the path toward wellness, this book will be your guide. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Lost in the Mirror Richard A. Moskovitz, 2001-03 Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) afflicts six to ten million Americans and accounts for almost 25 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations in this country. In Lost in the Mirror, Dr. Richard A. Moskovitz provides an expert look into this complex disorder, discussing causes, symptoms, behaviors, and treatments, interspersed with patients' compelling stories of their daily struggles with BPD. Finding Your Way Back The second edition provides readers with * the latest innovations in psychotherapy * new and effective drug treatments * an expanded overview of conventional therapy * an updated resource list for those who want to learn more Thoughtful and compelling, Lost in the Mirror explores the frightening world of BPD patients and helps readers understand their pain. |
| i hate you dont leave me: When Your Daughter Has BPD Daniel S. Lobel, 2017-12-01 In this groundbreaking book, psychologist Daniel Lobel offers essential skills based in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you understand your daughter’s disorder, define appropriate boundaries, put an end to daily emergencies, and rebuild the family’s structure from the ground up. If you have a daughter with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you may feel frustration, shame, and your family may be at the breaking point dealing with angry outbursts, threats, and constant emergencies. You may even feel guilty for not enjoying spending time with your child—but how can you when her behavior is abusive toward you and the rest of your family? You need solid skills you can use now to help your daughter and hold your family together. In this important guide, you’ll learn real solutions and strategies based in proven-effective DBT and CBT to help you weather the storm of BPD and restore a sense of normalcy and balance in your life. You’ll find an overview of BPD so you can better understand the driving forces behind your daughter’s difficult behavior. You’ll discover how you can help your daughter get the help she needs while also setting boundaries that foster respect and self-care for you and others in your family. And, most importantly, you’ll learn “emergency parenting techniques” to help you put a stop to abusive patterns and restore peace. If your daughter has BPD and your family is struggling to make it through each day, this book offers essential skills to help you cope and recover a sense of stability. |
| i hate you dont leave me: The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook Daniel J. Fox, 2019-05-01 Introducing a breakthrough, integrative approach to managing your borderline personality disorder (BPD). If you’ve been diagnosed with BPD you may feel a number of emotions—including shock, shame, sadness, abandonment, emptiness, or even anger. Even worse, you may be tempted to research your diagnosis online, only to find doomsday scenarios and terrible prognoses everywhere you click. Take a deep breath. You can get through this—and this workbook will help guide you. Despite what you may have read or been told, BPD is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Like many mental health issues, it manifests on a spectrum, and while some people may encounter extreme symptoms and consequences on one end, others may be less affected on the other. What do you all have in common? You likely experience difficulty balancing your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. And you may even have trouble seeing yourself clearly—continuously switching from the hero to the villain of the story you’ve written about your life. So, how can you make sense of it all and start on the road to healing? Rather than utilizing a one-size-fits-all treatment, this groundbreaking and comprehensive workbook meets you where you are on your therapeutic journey, and provides an integrative approach to treating BPD drawing on evidence-based dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and interpersonal therapy. With this compassionate workbook, you’ll gain a greater understanding of your BPD, uncover your own emotional triggers, and discover your own personal motivators for positive change. Your BPD has determined how you see and live your life, but it doesn’t have to define you forever. With this workbook as your guide, you’ll be ready to face your diagnosis head-on, and take those important first steps toward lasting wellness. |
| i hate you dont leave me: You Don't Know Me But You Don't Like Me Nathan Rabin, 2013-06-11 A writer's journey with the fan bases of Phish and Insane Clown Posse describes his unexpected discovery of how both groups have tapped the human need for community, a finding that coincided with his diagnosis of bipolar disorder. |
| i hate you dont leave me: The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder Randi Kreger, 2009-06-03 Gentle counsel and realistic advice for families contending with one of today's most misunderstood forms of mental illness. For family members of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), home life is routinely unpredictable and frequently unbearable. Extreme mood swings, impulsive behaviors, unfair blaming and criticism, and suicidal tendencies--common conduct among those who suffer from the disorder--leave family members feeling confused, hurt, and helpless. In Stop Walking on Eggshells, Randi Kreger's pioneering first book which sold more than 340,000 copies, she and co-author Paul T. Mason outlined the fundamental differences in the way that people with BPD relate to the world. Now, with The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, Kreger takes readers to the next level by offering them five straightforward tools to organize their thinking, learn specific skills, and focus on what they need to do to get off the emotional rollercoaster: (1) Take care of yourself; (2) Uncover what keeps you feeling stuck; (3) Communicate to be heard; (4) Set limits with love; and (5) Reinforce the right behaviors. Together the steps provide a clear-cut system designed to help friends and family reduce stress, improve their relationship with their borderline loved one, improve their problem-solving skills and minimize conflict, and feel more self-assured about setting limits. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Surviving a Borderline Parent Kimberlee Roth, 2009-12 Those raised by a BPD parent endured a volatile and painful childhood. This book offers readers step-by-step guidance to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of being raised by a person with this disorder. Readers discover coping strategies for dealing with low self-esteem, lack of trust, guilt, and hypersensitivity. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Why I Hate You and You Hate Me Joseph H. Berke, 2018-04-17 This book considers the experience of envy, greed, jealousy, and narcissism and how they operate between parents and children, brothers and sisters. It focuses on the object of these harmful emotions, what attracts malice to them, and how they may arouse it. |
| i hate you dont leave me: The Hate U Give Angie Thomas, 2018-08 Read the book that inspired the movie! Sixteen-year-old Starr lives in two worlds: the poor neighbourhood where she was born and raised and her posh high school in the suburbs. The uneasy balance between them is shattered when Starr is the only witness to the fatal shooting of her unarmed best friend, Khalil, by a police officer. Now what Starr says could destroy her community. It could also get her killed. Inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement, this is a powerful and gripping novel about one girl's struggle for justice. |
| i hate you dont leave me: I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You! Roni Cohen-Sandler, Michelle Silver, 2000-03-01 For mothers who are reeling from the rockiness of an ever-changing adolescent, or struggling with a relationship that's deteriorating by the day, here is encouragement, reassurance, and great advice. I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You! discusses the social, emotional, cultural, and psychological issues that can lead to mother-daughter conflicts. It offers illuminating and very recognizable case studies, and demonstrates how mother-daughter friction during adolescence can actually empower girls by teaching them invaluable skills. By providing mothers with much-needed encouragement and practical strategies to help their daughters grow into emotionally healthy and capable adults, I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You! can transform the tempestuous teenage years into years of positive, enriching growth. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Talking to a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder Jerold J. Kreisman, 2018-11-01 In this compassionate guide, Jerold Kreisman—author of I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me—offers a powerful set of tools to help you express yourself, set boundaries, and cultivate healthy communication with a loved one who is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). If you have a loved one with BPD, you need real, proven-effective strategies to help you navigate the intense emotions and conflict that can arise in daily interactions and conversations. People with BPD often feel anger, pain, and hurt from a history of invalidation and disappointment, and their difficulty in regulating emotions can lead to moments of lashing out that can confuse and upset those around them. Written by a psychiatrist with more than 40 years of experience in treating BPD, Talking to a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder offers a breakthrough, compassionate approach to communicating with a loved one who has BPD. The SET (support, empathy, truth) method outlined in this book is a powerful and simple tool that will allow you to honestly address your loved one’s demands, assertions, and feelings while still maintaining appropriate boundaries. Each step builds on the last, helping you build up a consistent and reliable communication process. In this book, you’ll find a review of BPD and the common communication problems inherent in the disorder. You’ll learn how SET can address these issues. And finally, you’ll find detailed examples of specific scenarios that can arise when talking to a loved one with BPD. Remember—validation isn’t the same as agreement. You can help your loved one feel validated while still maintaining your own boundaries. This essential guide will show you how. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, Revised Edition Robert O. Friedel, 2018-02-20 The authoritative guide to understanding and living with borderline personality disorder, now fully revised and updated Millions of Americans suffer from borderline personality disorder (BPD), a psychiatric condition marked by extreme emotional instability, erratic and self-destructive behavior, and tumultuous relationships. Though it was once thought to be untreatable, today researchers and clinicians know that there is every reason for hope. Dr. Robert Friedel, a leading expert and pioneer in pharmacological treatment for BPD, combines his extensive knowledge and personal experience into this comprehensive guide. Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified shares: The latest findings on the course and causes of the disorder Up-to-date information on diagnosis An accessible overview of cutting-edge treatment options For those who have been diagnosed and those who think they may have the illness, and for the family and friends who love and support them, this book illuminates new information and points the way to an ever more hopeful future. The revised edition includes new forewords from Donald W. Black, MD, and Nancee S. Blum, MSW, and family educators James and Diane Hall. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Don't Make Me Think Steve Krug, 2009-08-05 Five years and more than 100,000 copies after it was first published, it's hard to imagine anyone working in Web design who hasn't read Steve Krug's instant classic on Web usability, but people are still discovering it every day. In this second edition, Steve adds three new chapters in the same style as the original: wry and entertaining, yet loaded with insights and practical advice for novice and veteran alike. Don't be surprised if it completely changes the way you think about Web design. Three New Chapters! Usability as common courtesy -- Why people really leave Web sites Web Accessibility, CSS, and you -- Making sites usable and accessible Help! My boss wants me to ______. -- Surviving executive design whims I thought usability was the enemy of design until I read the first edition of this book. Don't Make Me Think! showed me how to put myself in the position of the person who uses my site. After reading it over a couple of hours and putting its ideas to work for the past five years, I can say it has done more to improve my abilities as a Web designer than any other book. In this second edition, Steve Krug adds essential ammunition for those whose bosses, clients, stakeholders, and marketing managers insist on doing the wrong thing. If you design, write, program, own, or manage Web sites, you must read this book. -- Jeffrey Zeldman, author of Designing with Web Standards |
| i hate you dont leave me: The Buddha and the Borderline Kiera Van Gelder, 2010-08-01 Kiera Van Gelder's first suicide attempt at the age of twelve marked the onset of her struggles with drug addiction, depression, post-traumatic stress, self-harm, and chaotic romantic relationships-all of which eventually led to doctors' belated diagnosis of borderline personality disorder twenty years later. The Buddha and the Borderline is a window into this mysterious and debilitating condition, an unblinking portrayal of one woman's fight against the emotional devastation of borderline personality disorder. This haunting, intimate memoir chronicles both the devastating period that led to Kiera's eventual diagnosis and her inspirational recovery through therapy, Buddhist spirituality, and a few online dates gone wrong. Kiera's story sheds light on the private struggle to transform suffering into compassion for herself and others, and is essential reading for all seeking to understand what it truly means to recover and reclaim the desire to live. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Not Here To Be Liked Michelle Quach, 2021-09-16 Falling in love wasn't part of the plan.Eliza Quan fully expects to be voted the next editor-in-chief of her school paper. She works hard, she respects the facts, and she has the most experience. Len DiMartile is an injured star baseball player who seems to have joined the paper just to have something to do. Naturally, the staff picks Len to be their next leader. Because while they may respect Eliza, they don't particularly like her - but right now, Eliza is not here to be liked. She's here to win.But someone does like Eliza. A lot.Shame it's the boy standing in the way of her becoming editor-in-chief.... |
| i hate you dont leave me: Get Out of My Life but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? Anthony E. Wolf, 1995 |
| i hate you dont leave me: Stop Walking on Eggshells Paul T. Mason, Randi Kreger, 2010 Discusses the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder and explains how the families and friends of patients can cope with BPD behavior while taking care of themselves. |
| i hate you dont leave me: How May We Hate You? Anna Drezen, Todd Dakotah Briscoe, 2016-05-17 Most people think hotel employees are effortlessly cheerful, naturally helpful, and genuinely like their work. Most people are wrong. Find out what really goes on in the world of hospitality with this hilarious book full of funny and absurd stories, anecdotes told in dialogue, factoids, and hoax pop quizzes by two veteran concierges who paid their way while working at a combined 50 hotels in and around Times Square. They are very pleased to help you learn: · The Truth About Bed Bugs · The Mythology of “Loyalty Programs” · The 411 on Hotel Residents · And so much more Filled with photographs and infographics, How May We Hate You? is both romp and commentary on the hospitality industry and life behind the nametag. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Understanding the Borderline Mother Christine Ann Lawson, 2002 Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships. Addressing the adult children of borderlines and the therapists who work with them, Dr. Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim. |
| i hate you dont leave me: I Love You, I Hate You Elizabeth Davis, 2021-10-12 'Everything you love about romantic comedy - hilarious, sharply observed, smart, and sexy as hell. I adored this book!' RACHEL HAWKINS 'Smart, sexy, and feminist, I Love You, I Hate You is a delightful love letter to internet friends and Nora Ephron. Elizabeth Davis just became an auto-buy author for me' ANNETTE CHRISTIE 'Complete You've Got Mail magic! Davis's humor made this steamy, feisty rom-com a delight to read . . . a must read for fans of Nora Ephron rom-coms!' DENISE WILLIAMS All's fair in love and law . . . You've Got Mail meets Dating You/Hating You by Christina Lauren and The Hating Game by Sally Thorne in this sizzling rom-com - readers love it! 'A five-star read . . . the best read of the year, if you like your rom coms witty and sweet then you need this story in your life' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ reader review 'Elizabeth Davis's way of writing romance is perfect . . . Amazing characters and writing, 5/5 stars!' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ reader review 'Everything I wanted and more! Their chemistry was perfect . . . If only I could go back in time and read this book for the first time again' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ reader review .......................................... Victoria and Owen are bitter rivals. Nora and Luke are friends online. Who would believe these two couples have anything in common? Of all the decisions brilliant lawyer Victoria Clemenceaux has made in her life, an unforgettable one-night stand with her opposing counsel Owen Pohl is either the worst...or the best. One thing is certain: these long-standing rivals aren't going to let their searing attraction stop them from winning the biggest case of their careers. Thankfully Victoria and Owen have someone to vent to about their nemeses. But they have no idea that their online 'friends', Nora and Luke, are the very people they hate in real life. As Nora and Luke grow closer online, and Victoria and Owen find their undeniable attraction harder to resist, the lines between love and hate blur. When the truth comes out, will their online chemistry work in the real world, or will their constant rivalry sever their connection? .......................................... Raves for I Love You, I Hate You! 'This book made my heart sing . . . There's such tenderness and passion and LIFE . . . Go buy this book immediately' 'So good that I devoured the whole book in one sitting' 'You know when you find a book you love so much you accidentally stay up until well after 2am to finish it in one sitting? . . . That's this book! . . . A fun, fast-paced debut romance that I could read again and again' Two can play at this game . . . Look out for The Player Next Door, the smart and sexy new fake-dating rom-com from Elizabeth Davis, available to preorder now! |
| i hate you dont leave me: United in Hate Jamie Glazov, 2009 United in Hate analyzes the Left's contemporary romance with militant Islam as a continuation of the Left's love affair with communist totalitarianism in the twentieth century. Just as the Left was drawn to the communist killing machines of Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot and Castro, so too it is now attracted to radical Islam. Both the radical Left and radical Islam possess a profound hatred for Western culture, for a capitalist economic structure that recognizes individual achievement and for the Judeo-Christian heritage of the United States. Both seek to establish a new world order: leftists in the form of a classless communist society and Islamists in the form of a caliphate ruled by Sharia law. To achieve these goals, both are willing to wipe the slate clean by means of limitless carnage, with the ultimate goal of erecting their utopia upon the ruins of the system they have destroyed. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents Randi Kreger, Christine Adamec, Daniel S. Lobel, 2022-02-01 A valuable, practical resource for parents and caregivers of children, from age five through adulthood, who exhibit signs of, or have been diagnosed with, borderline personality disorder (BPD).—Booklist Based on the self-help classic, Stop Walking on Eggshells, this essential guide offers powerful skills and strategies for parenting a child of any age with borderline personality disorder (BPD)—without sacrificing their family or themselves. If you have a child with BPD, you are all-too-aware of the behavioral and emotional issues that are linked to this disorder—including rages, self-harm, sexual acting out, substance abuse, suicidal behaviors, physical and emotional attacks, and more. Traditional parenting strategies that work on other kids just don’t work with a borderline child. But you shouldn’t lose hope. The good news is that there are parenting strategies that do work. With this comprehensive resource, you will learn all about borderline personality disorder, how it shows up in children, adolescents, and your adult children, how to obtain proper treatment, and how to manage your child’s condition at home. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you communicate and improve your relationship with your child of any age, and, as a result, improve your own life as a parent and an individual. You’ll also find real stories and advice from parents who have also experienced raising a child with BPD. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to maintain boundaries and validate your child while also meeting your own needs. Whether your child is 5 or 25, this book offers tools to help you and your family thrive. |
| i hate you dont leave me: You're Making Me Hate You Corey Taylor, 2015-07-07 New York Times bestselling leadsinger of Slipknot and Stone Sour's hilarious trawl through the endless backwaters of human stupidity Corey Taylor has had it. Had it with the vagaries of human behavior and life in this postmodern digital blanked-out waiting room that passes for a world. Reality TV, awful music, terrible drivers, megamalls, airports, family reunions, bad fashion choices, other people's monstrous children, and badly-behaved adult human beings are warping life in the twenty-first century into an often-unbearable endurance test of one's patience, fortitude, and faith. You're Making Me Hate You is a blisteringly funny diatribe that skewers the worst aspects of human behavior with a knowing eye for every excruciating detail, told in the vivid way that only Corey Taylor can. Like his previous bestselling forays, You're Making Me Hate You is an unflinching glimpse into the mind of Corey Taylor, who spares no one from his seething gaze. Make no mistake: this is not the Corey Taylor you run into at meet-and-greets or in line at the coffee shop. This is not the kind and cuddly guy who kisses babies and takes pictures with your mom while leaving a voicemail for that distant cousin in college. This is not the loveable scamp who can poke just as much fun at himself as he does at the various rubes around him, though to be fair he does save one chapter for a brutal and lacerating self-analysis. This is Corey Motherfucking Taylor. This is the Great Big Mouth. This is that bastard you wonder about when you listen to Slipknot and Stone Sour. Funny, profane, blasphemous, and above all right on target, You're Making Me Hate You is pure Corey Taylor unleashed, exposing the underbelly of human depravity in all its ragged glory. |
| i hate you dont leave me: My Life Next Door Huntley Fitzpatrick, 2012-06-14 A gorgeous debut about family, friendship, first romance, and how to be true to one person you love without betraying another “One thing my mother never knew, and would disapprove of most of all, was that I watched the Garretts. All the time.” The Garretts are everything the Reeds are not. Loud, numerous, messy, affectionate. And every day from her balcony perch, seventeen-year-old Samantha Reed wishes she was one of them . . . until one summer evening, Jase Garrett climbs her terrace and changes everything. As the two fall fiercely in love, Jase's family makes Samantha one of their own. Then in an instant, the bottom drops out of her world and she is suddenly faced with an impossible decision. Which perfect family will save her? Or is it time she saved herself? A dreamy summer read, full of characters who stay with you long after the story is over. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Ask a Manager Alison Green, 2018-05-01 From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together |
| i hate you dont leave me: Why Is It Always About You? Sandy Hotchkiss, 2008-06-20 In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation. Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Networking for People Who Hate Networking Devora Zack, 2010-12-30 Shows how the networking-averse can succeed by working with the very traits that make them hate traditional networking Written by a proud introvert who is also an enthusiastic networker Includes field-tested tips and techniques for virtually any situation Are you the kind of person who would rather get a root canal than face a group of strangers? Does the phrase working a room make you want to retreat to yours? Does traditional networking advice seem like its in a foreign language? Devora Zack, an avowed introvert and a successful consultant who speaks to thousands of people every year, feels your pain. She found that most networking advice books assume that to succeed you have to become an outgoing, extraverted person. Or at least learn how to fake it. Not at all. There is another way. This book shatters stereotypes about people who dislike networking. Theyre not shy or misanthropic. Rather, they tend to be reflective - they think before they talk. They focus intensely on a few things rather than broadly on a lot of things. And they need time alone to recharge. Because theyve been told networking is all about small talk, big numbers and constant contact, they assume its not for them. But it is! Zack politely examines and then smashes to tiny fragments the dusty old rules of standard networking advice. She shows how the very traits that ordinarily make people networking-averse can be harnessed to forge an approach that is just as effective as more traditional approaches, if not better. And she applies it to all kinds of situations, not just formal networking events. After all, as she says, life is just one big networking opportunity - a notion readers can now embrace. Networking enables you to accomplish the things that are important to you. But you cant adopt a style that goes against who you are - and you dont have to. I have never met a person who did not benefit tremendously from learning how to network - on his or her own terms, Zack writes. You do not succeed by denying your natural temperament; you succeed by working with your strengths. |
| i hate you dont leave me: Shatter Me Tahereh Mafi, 2011-11-15 The gripping first installment in New York Times bestselling author Tahereh Mafi’s Shatter Me series. One touch is all it takes. One touch, and Juliette Ferrars can leave a fully grown man gasping for air. One touch, and she can kill. No one knows why Juliette has such incredible power. It feels like a curse, a burden that one person alone could never bear. But The Reestablishment sees it as a gift, sees her as an opportunity. An opportunity for a deadly weapon. Juliette has never fought for herself before. But when she’s reunited with the one person who ever cared about her, she finds a strength she never knew she had. And don’t miss Defy Me, the shocking fifth book in the Shatter Me series! |
| i hate you dont leave me: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus, 2010-12-07 A new, revised Third Edition is available now! The bestselling guide to understanding borderline personality disorder. After more than two decades as the essential guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), this new edition now reflects the most up- to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder as well as connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, ADHD, and eating disorders. Both pharmacological and psychotherapeutic advancements point to real hope for success in the treatment and understanding of BPD. This expanded and revised edition remains as accessible and useful as its predecessor and will reestablish this book as the go-to source for those diagnosed with BPD, their family, friends, and colleagues, as well as professionals and students in the field. |
| i hate you dont leave me: I Had a Black Dog Matthew Johnstone, 2012-03-01 'I Had a Black Dog says with wit, insight, economy and complete understanding what other books take 300 pages to say. Brilliant and indispensable.' - Stephen Fry 'Finally, a book about depression that isn't a prescriptive self-help manual. Johnston's deftly expresses how lonely and isolating depression can be for sufferers. Poignant and humorous in equal measure.' Sunday Times There are many different breeds of Black Dog affecting millions of people from all walks of life. The Black Dog is an equal opportunity mongrel. It was Winston Churchill who popularized the phrase Black Dog to describe the bouts of depression he experienced for much of his life. Matthew Johnstone, a sufferer himself, has written and illustrated this moving and uplifting insight into what it is like to have a Black Dog as a companion and how he learned to tame it and bring it to heel. |
| i hate you dont leave me: P. S. I Hate You Winter Renshaw, 2018-03-08 Dear Isaiah,Eight months ago, you were just a soldier about to be deployed and I was just a waitress, sneaking you a free pancake and hoping you wouldn't notice that my gaze was lingering a little too long. But you did notice. We spent one life-changing week together before you left, and we said goodbye on day eight, exchanging addresses at the last minute.I saved every letter you wrote me, your words quickly becoming my religion. But you went radio silent on me months ago, and then you had the audacity to walk into my diner yesterday and act like you'd never seen me in your life. To think ... I almost loved you and your beautifully complicated soul. Almost.Whatever your reason is-I hope it's a good one. Maritza the WaitressPS - I hate you, and this time ... I mean it. |
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